


Long Night

by Lonewritersclub



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: And the things you find about a person, Bathroom, Batjokes, Batman musings, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Joker's apartment, M/M, Oneshot, When you take a shit in their toilet, You go figure it out, restroom review!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 18:26:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13746729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lonewritersclub/pseuds/Lonewritersclub
Summary: Batman takes a shit in Joker's bathroom. - That's about it.





	Long Night

**Long Night**

What the hell is that smell?

Something that’s wrong for one. It’s this strange pungent garlicy scent that’s wafting inside the dingy little bathroom making one need to cough because it’s so strong and acidic. Is it coming through the air vents or is it coming from underneath the rotting floorboards because someone’s trying to kill their neighbors by dissolving them in acid? Where’s the source because it’s fucking reeking in here.

Batman looks around himself where he’s sat on the toilet seat. The sink countertop next to him is overflowing with makeup supplies and other skin care products. Wait… there’s also _dynamite_ and a single potato peeler chucked into an unwashed cup along with mint toothpaste and a hairbrush covered in tangled green hairs. Right. Batman also spots a well-used bottle of Gucci Guilty, of fucking course, in the full toiletry rack on the wall where there are also multiple cans of different hair sprays and what else. Oh, there’s a tube of dynamite there, too.

Under the sink there’s a purple trash basket. But what’s curious about it, is that it’s full of half eaten _apricots  -_ Joker's _allergic_ to apricots.There’s also a pair of pineapple shaped sunglasses although those must be Harley’s - Batman saw her wear those when she was slurping a big strawberry milkshake at the Gotham Coffee Shop with a freshly released Ivy from two weeks ago. Then, onto the green tiled floor that was in dire need of a scrub, miscellaneous magazines have been discarded and stumped on. The one that’s staring back at Batman from underneath his shoe, is the face of a displeased Jim Gordon smoking a cigarette as he’s walking away from the journalists with his jacket collar hiked way up to his chin. Next to his head on a bright yellow text field reads: _Commissioner Gordon allegedly hates cyclists. An avid reader of ours recounts: “ - - Yeah I was biking along the precinct to get a closer look at the bodies when they were wheeling them out of the buildning when suddenly the old Commish whirled over to me waving his hands all over the place and yelled at me to ‘take myself and my bike the hell out of there!’ I'm telling ya, the granpa's gone looney!"_

Batman kicks the magazine to the corner of the closed door with a shake of his head and a tired sigh. On the door hangs a three year old naked calendar of the Gotham fire department set on July. A heavily muscled guy with a thick mustache that compensates for his shiny bold head, eyes at Batman from behind a fireman pole with a sly smirk. The seventh date under the picture is crossed with a red ballpoint pen with a reminder: _“buy Penguin a pink ukulele! – and big archery bow, you know the one”_

Batman doesn’t honestly know what to think so he decides not to. Instead he focuses on his task.

Despite the poor and rugged living standards the Joker seems to have inside the apartment that Batman is fairly sure isn’t actually his, the god awful smell isn’t coming from there. Batman looks over to the other side of the room where above the surprisingly clean white tub is a tall window with broken dusty blinds. Through the darkness of the night, Batman can spot the hefty fumes of Ace Chemicals illuminated by red security lights making it an eerie sight to behold. The fumes rise towards the sky from their massive funnels where they are blown towards the bleak apartment block due to the humid south wind.

Batman mopes as he flushes the toilet when he’s done. He fears it might just clog up from the choked noises it makes but eventually all seems to be well. He makes his way over to the tub and closes the small window that has been left open for air condition and grumbles as he washes his hands not bothering with the bar of pink soap that's covered in whatever that rusty crusty dried liquid is. He glances at himself through the muted mirror and notices a crooked heart shape drawn on the dirty panel with lipstick. At the center of it reads _“B + J”_ in cursive letters.

Batman dashes out of the bathroom and doesn’t care if he happens to slam the front door loudly enough to wake the Joker. He just needs to get the hell out of there right now and eat some of Alfred’s pizza before Dick has wolfed it all down by himself. It’s been a long night already. Driving a blackout drunk Joker home from a close fist fight with big guys packed with Tommy guns was never the best idea in the first place but deciding to take a shit at his apartment was the worst one yet. Batman’s seen some things there that can never be unseen again and he’s quite ready to deny it all at the first chance possible. Batman hops into his car, blasts Metallica on full volume and steps quickly on the gas so he won't have to listen to the Joker laugh at him from the ramshackle balcony.

**Author's Note:**

> so I was thinking of prompts to throw at futilefears (on tumblr) for her to draw when I thought of this one, and instead of making her do probably the worst drawing ever and have her hate me for it, I decided to write it myself. so here you are people. aren't you all so glad that this exists now? :3 aren't you? :3
> 
> aren't you ? :3
> 
> :3


End file.
